What Should I Do When Someone Hurts Me? How to Proceed When Offended by Others.

It happens to all of us. At some point in our lives: someone will hurt us deeply. Sometimes it is physical. Sometimes it is emotional. Sometimes it happens with words. Sometimes it happens with actions.

For many of us, the scars of these partially-healed wounds can last a lifetime. If we do not find some sort of personal closure, these events can be emotionally debilitating and spiritually injurious. Some wallow in hatred, guilt, or resentment burning quietly on the inside for years.

Nevertheless, Scripture does give us some very candid and direct counsel for proceeding in these situations. Christians, as redeemed people, are expected to be the "bigger person," take initiative, and help to set our relationships back on a godly course.

The following rubric is intended to help you proceed when your soul aches from the pain caused by others.

NOTE: This is a general guideline and cannot possibly take every variant situation into consideration. 

1. Was the offense physical, violent, sexual, or criminal? If yes, move to #2. If no, move to #3.

2. If the act committed against you was criminal, you have a right and obligation to report it to the proper authorities (i.e. the police) especially if it was of a violent or sexual nature. In these cases, confronting the person personally is usually not a good idea. Here, you run the risk of being abused again, as well as possibly leaving a door open to the abuse of another. You should consider talking to your pastor or a trusted counselor about this, or even a good friend. Ultimately, you will want to find peace in your heart through forgiveness, even though you do not need to put yourself into harm's way again. Trust God to bring about justice in His own time ("Vengeance is mine saith the Lord") and seek the healing hands of Christ.

3. If the offense was not criminal, you should begin seeking reconciliation with the person involved, even if you yourself have not committed any offense against them. You may be totally innocent in the matter, or partially at fault. Likely, the offending party may not even be aware of his offense, and you will burn inside destroying only yourself by harboring your resentment. For this reason, you should ask another question: Is the offending party a Christian? If no, move to #4. If yes, move to #5.

4. Since the offending party is not a Christian, you have an opportunity to share the grace of God that you have personally experienced through Christ. These offenses should be seen as opportunities given by God to show an unbelieving world what true forgiveness looks like. Go to the person personally (if possible) and share your feelings in this matter, and how you are seeking God's peace. Offer the offender true, unconditional forgiveness. If you own part of the fault, apologize unconditionally as well. As the opportunity presents itself, you would do well to share the Gospel with him or her. Although the parable of the Unforgiving Servant (Matthew 18:23-35) is in the context of sins committed against other believers, the application is broad enough for all kinds of hurts and grievances: consider how much God has already forgiven you, and seek to model your grace after His!

5. If the offending party is also Christian, we have clear obligations to follow the reconciliation pattern given in Matthew 18:15-20. Notice this passage is in particular reference to when a "brother sins against you" (18:15, emphasis added). These steps given by Jesus assume that the offender is a Christian, and has a sensitive spirit to receive the guidance of the church in his or her life. Here, Jesus has given us a four-part movement for seeking reconciliation, [a] gracious, personal confrontation (verse 15), [b] gracious confrontation with witnesses (verse 16), [c] church leadership intervention with possible disciplinary sanctions (verse 17) and finally [d] terminating the relationship (verse 17). This last step, is to be considered a drastic measure only, and should almost never be the case among professing Christians.

Although the first step is the hardest, it is almost always the most important. How many relationships can be restored if we would only take Jesus' words of counsel here more seriously? How many inner grievances could be mended and healed if we heeded the counsel of the Master?

Unfortunately many of us either jump far too quickly to get others involved (the sin of gossip) or else are content to burn quietly inside harming only ourselves (the sin of unforgiveness).

Take a step of grace today and begin mending your relationship without further delay! 

-Matthew Everhard is the Senior Pastor of Faith Evangelical Presbyterian Church in Brooksville, Florida. 

One Life is All You Have

A poem by CT Studd, the British missionary to Africa, struck me this past week. To some it may be an old favorite that they recited as a young boy. To others it is completely foreign. I fell in the latter category. I had heard little of CT Studd and had never heard his gem of a poem. I'm glad I did. It reminds me of what is important in this earthly life. It reminds me that my all is meant for Christ. It kills the selfish in me. 

Allow me to share Studd's poem Only One Life with you this day:

“Two little lines I heard one day,
Traveling along life’s busy way;
Bringing conviction to my heart,
And from my mind would not depart;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one,
Soon will its fleeting hours be done;
Then, in ‘that day’ my Lord to meet,
And stand before His Judgement seat;
Only one life,’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, the still small voice,
Gently pleads for a better choice
Bidding me selfish aims to leave,
And to God’s holy will to cleave;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, a few brief years,
Each with its burdens, hopes, and fears;
Each with its clays I must fulfill,
living for self or in His will;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

When this bright world would tempt me sore,
When Satan would a victory score;
When self would seek to have its way,
Then help me Lord with joy to say;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Give me Father, a purpose deep,
In joy or sorrow Thy word to keep;
Faithful and true what e’er the strife,
Pleasing Thee in my daily life;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Oh let my love with fervor burn,
And from the world now let me turn;
Living for Thee, and Thee alone,
Bringing Thee pleasure on Thy throne;
Only one life, “twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one,
Now let me say,”Thy will be done”;
And when at last I’ll hear the call,
I know I’ll say “twas worth it all”;
Only one life,’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last. ”

— extra stanza —

Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.
And when I am dying, how happy I’ll be,
If the lamp of my life has been burned out for Thee.”

C.T Studd

(From http://hockleys.org/2009/05/quote-only-one-life-twill-soon-be-past-poem/)

JT Holderman is Assistant Pastor of Bellevue Evangelical Presbyterian Church in Gap, PA.

God's Word

In the past, the "Roman Catholic church" determined that people could not own the Bible- God's Word.  That is in direct conflict with God's Word.  That organization allows it today, but it was not by their choice.  Men like William Tyndale died to bring this Bible to the people.  At Providence Church today, Pastor Greg Gunn spoke a little of William Tyndale's sacrifice to get God's Word into the hands of the "common" people.  Eventually, it cost him his life.

How could people hide God's Word in their hearts to avoid sinning against Him (Psalm 119.11) if they were banned from having His Word?  How could God's Word illuminate their paths (Psalm 119.105) if they did not have it to read?  It was the height of arrogance and demonic influence to keep God's Word away from the people.  For it to perpetrated by those claiming to represent God was despicable.  They were sons of hell itself: priests and popes, monks and bishops, cardinals and rulers controlled by Rome.

To "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly" (Colossians 3.16) you need the Word! How hellish the "church" that keeps His Word from the people!! (Either by physically keeping it as the Romanist approach, or by sermons not based on Scripture but human 'wisdom.'

Putting this into applicable language... Embrace His Word.  Many things are inspiring, only God's Word is INSPIRED.  God's Word is powerful.  His Gospel is "the power of salvation to everyone who believes" (Romans 1.16)- it will change lives when applied and trusted.

---

Pete Garbacki is a minister with Time for Truth Ministries and Mission.Brasil. Follow him on Twitter @mission_brasil or FaceBook at http://www.facebook.com/pete.garbacki.

The 5 Love Languages of Children: To Love as He First Loved Us

We often speak about wanting to love our children well. We want to model for them how Jesus Christ has loved us. It is only out of that great love that we are able to love our children.

The book, The 5 Love Languages of Children, by Gary Chapman & Ross Campbell speaks to the necessity of children being loved well as an essential component of growth and development. It is through 5 distinct love languages, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, and Acts of Service, that we can model for our children how we are loved by Jesus and how they are loved by Jesus. Jesus beautifully modeled each of these forms of love during his earthly ministry, and the Bible recounts just how much he loved in these various ways.

Physical Touch- There are many examples of Jesus miraculously healing people of their physical afflictions from blindness to leprosy to raising the dead to life! However, in John 13, Jesus explicitly expresses his love through the physical touch of washing his disciples feet.

Words of Affirmation- Jesus' words are all through the Gospel accounts, but perhaps his most comforting words were found in the Matthew 28:19-20, when he commissioned his disciples to "Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age."

Quality Time- Jesus clearly demonstrated love through quality time with his disciples, taking 12 men and committing more than 3 years of his life to discipling, encouraging, rebuking, teaching, etc. One such example is his Sermon on the Mount teaching to the disciples in Matthew chapters 5-7.

Gifts- Jesus came to take upon himself, the punishment that we deserved for our sin, and subsequently gifting us with his righteousness that is bestowed by God the Father. The Apostle Paul describes this gift of righteousness in Romans 5:17 when he says, "For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ!

Acts of Service- Jesus expressed his love for his people through giving his life as the ultimate example of sacrifical service. The Apostel Paul beautifully communicates the details of that sacrifice in Philipians 2:7-8 which states, "He emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross."

Lord Jesus, thank you for modeling for us how to love perfectly. Thank you for loving us in a way that we are incapable of repeating. May we seek to honor you by loving our children, and in all things, point them to you as the foundational source for love and acceptance.

Remember Your Leaders: Jonathan Edwards

“Resolved: To live with all my might while I do live.”

-Jonathan Edwards

A Biographical Sketch 

Jonathan Edwards was born October 5, 1703, in Windsor, Connecticut. He had ten sisters and not one brother. He could probably knit with and crochet with the best. He was of superior intellect and at twelve years of age his father sent him to Yale where Edwards flourished. He was a thinker, appearing to have always had his pen in hand taking notes as he read. At the age of 16 he graduated from Yale as valedictorian and gave the graduation address in Latin, for fun. He was brilliant.

At 19 years of age Edwards took his first call as a pastor to Scotch Presbyterian Church in New York. He returned to Yale a year later to finish Masters work and fell in love with Sarah Pierrepont. She was according to Edward’s own hand, “…of a wonderful sweetness, calmness and universal benevolence of mind…and seems to be always full of joy and pleasure” (Edwards, Memoirs, xxxix). Over the next 23 years they had eight daughters and three sons.

In 1726 God called Edwards to assist his grandfather, Solomon Stoddard, in ministering to the esteemed Church of Northampton, Massachusetts. Stoddard passed three years later and Edwards took over as sole minister. His primary task as a pastor was ardent study of the Scriptures. He said: “Be assiduous in reading the Holy Scriptures. This is the fountain whence all knowledge in divinity must be derived. Therefore let not this treasure lie by you neglected” (Edwards, Christian Knowledge, 162). To Edwards the greatest impact and good he could do as a pastor was to study well the Word of God and communicate it’s truth in all that he did, be that preaching, conversation, or in his prolific writing.

In 1757, after 23 years as pastor of Northampton, and time spent writing and thinking in Stockbridge, Massachusetts, Edwards was called by Princeton College to assume the role of President. It was a crowning achievement to be extended this invitation. He took it, although he was initially against the opportunity due to his poor health and grand writing dreams. However on March 22, 1758, after only assuming the position of President a month earlier, Edwards passed away after complications that arose from a smallpox inoculation.

Edwards is an example to us as a man who was fixed upon God as his ultimate end in all of life. Due to his writings that have been well preserved, we have a good corpus from which to “remember” his faith and imitate it in our lives. Here are three great things that Edwards strived for in the exercise of his faith:

We Were Created to Glorify God 

Uppermost in all of Edwards life was the great Reformed pillar of Soli Deo Gloria. Edwards’ faith spurned him to exist to magnify and extol God’s glory in all that he put his hand to. While he was a sinner and couldn’t accomplish this perfectly, it was nonetheless chief in his mind for what was his end in life. For as Edward’s says:

“Thus we see that the great and last end of God’s works which is so variously expressed in Scripture, is indeed but one; and this one end is most properly and comprehensively called, ‘the glory of God.’” (Edwards, Ethical Writings, 530)

And so Edwards, by the faith God had given him, sought to elevate and display the glory of God in his life. One thing we can take from Edwards on this point is his understanding of our sinful nature. The more depraved we are, the more we have to glory in our God:

“God hath made man’s emptiness and misery, his low, lost and ruined state into which he is sunk by the fall, an occasion of the greater advancement of his own glory…as there is now a much more universal and apparent dependence of man on God.” (Kimnach, The Sermons of Jonathan Edwards, 79)

We Were Created To Delight in God 

To many the Christian faith looks like a joyless prison. It is a religion of prohibition: you can’t get drunk, you can’t sleep around, you can’t lie on your taxes. Many in the world see Christianity as a set of rules that restricts the individual and takes all fun out of life. However Edwards says quite the opposite. He roots the fundamental core of Christianity in relation to happiness and joy. Christianity does not kill delight, it instead magnifies it and puts it in it’s proper place. Edwards says this:

“God is glorified not only by His glory’s being seen, but by its being rejoiced in. When those that see it delight in it, God is more glorified than if they only see it.” (Piper, God’s Passion for His Glory, 79)

Edwards contends that when we live into our created purpose in Christ, namely to glorify God, we do so only successfully when we do so out of delight. Because the Christian, if he truly grasps faith, realizes that he has found the most joyful pursuit in all of life, giving glory to his creator. And he is the most joyful pursuit because “He is [our] highest good…the sum of all that good which Christ purchased. God is the inheritance of the saints; he is the portion of their souls.” (Kimnach, The Sermons of Jonathan Edwards, 74) And so from Edwards we can learn that we are to delight in our God, in His goodness towards us, and in so doing bring glory to God.

We Were Created to Pursue God 

Edwards was a man of great resolve. A man who put his mind to a task and did not waver. He was intensely driven in all that he did. He was this way because he understood the seriousness of what he was called to do, to redirect hearts and minds to God’s glory. As such, Edwards found himself in a relentless pursuit of God. This is well attested to in his many Resolutions (Edwards, The Works of Jonathan Edwards, vol. 1, xx).

With 1 Corinthians 10:31 as his guide, whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God, Edwards produced a list of 70 resolutions to guide his life and pursuit of God’s glory to be manifested. These are no mere New Years Resolution like we might think. May these few be an encouragement to you to imitate his faith, a faith that calls us to be enamored in our pursuit of knowing and displaying God’s glory in our lives.

1. Resolved, that I will do whatsoever I think to be most to the glory of God, and my own good, profit, and pleasure, in the whole of my duration…

4. Resolved, never to do any manner of thing, whether in soul or body, less or more, but what tends to the glory of God…

6. Resolved, to live with all my might, while I do live.

7. Resolved, never to do any thing, which I should be afraid to do if it were the last hour of my life.

Edwards was a man of resolve. May we resolve to be so fixed on God in our lives so as to display His glory in all that we do.

*     *     *

There is much written on Jonathan Edwards. For an introduction I would recommend Owen Strachan's Essential Edwards Collection (book one in particular), and John Piper's elucidation of Edward's main theological orientation in God's Passion for His Glory. For a deeper look at Edwards life George Marsden's biography is top notch. As for Edwards own work, I would direct you first to some of his best sermons and then to the Religious Affections or Concerning The End for Which God Created the World. Yale also has most of Edwards work free to read on their webpage which is simply an invaluable gift from the school.

**Next Week: Remembering Your Leader Charles Spurgeon

JT Holderman is Assistant Pastor of Bellevue Evangelical Presbyterian Church in Gap, PA.

Dads: Our Prayers Count Double (Here's Why)

This morning on the way to school, we pulled into the parking lot and began our regular moment of brief prayer for the school day. As we waited in line for the serpentine parade of vehicles to inch closer to the school doors, Simone, my four-year-old daughter, led us aloud. As she prayed, I was struck with a startling epiphany.

She had used almost identically the same words I had the previous morning. 

It wasn't so much the content of the prayer that struck me, it was the imitable style. "Thank you for the cross. Bless mommy at home, daddy at church, and Soriah, Elijah, and me in school." I had said almost the exact same thing 24 hours ago.

When I say that the prayers of fathers "count double," I don't mean that they are twice as powerful. That would be silly. Certainly unbiblical. What I mean is that we are also teaching our children the very language of prayer as we speak. 

The implications for this are huge. I will name just three.

1) First, if we pray God-exalting prayers, our children will learn to exalt Him as well. Lifting up the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus, magnifying the empowering work of the Holy Spirit, and making much of the glory of the Father will provide a model of praise that is not soon forgotten. Imagine what an entire childhood--filled with daddy's gospel-soaked prayers--would do to a child's prayer life over time!

Dads, if we can model a trajectory of prayer that intentionally exalts God as our supreme joy, our children will learn to regard Him so highly as well. Unfortunately...

2) The opposite of that is also true: selfish models of prayer beget selfish people. Let's be careful here. Of course we should teach our children to ask of God His provision for our lives (Matt 6:11, 7:7-11). The Bible commands us to do that.

But if children learn from daddy's prayers that the whole point (the highest end) of intercession is to make requests, our children will begin to subconsciously adopt the "Divine Butler" theology of God. They will see a God that primarily exists, as John Piper has written cuttingly elsewhere, "to fluff the pillows and adjust the thermostat." Studies in religious experience are showing exactly that: moral therapeutic deism (MTD) is the fastest growing "religion" today.

3) Finally, dads in particular have a crucial role in the spiritual development of our children. Some readers may wonder why I chose to focus this brief piece on fathers in particular and not parents in general. Surely it is true that mommy's prayers are also exemplary. I am not denying this. They are. Nevertheless, fathers have been given a primacy in the family that many (most?) in our age have abdicated entirely. Would not our families be stronger if dad resumed his role as spiritual "head"of household instead of the spiritual "tail" dragging reluctantly behind?

I think the implications are clear. If dad prays without any notable unction--or worse, fails to lead his family in prayer at all--his example will leave a gaping hole in the Christian family.

--Matthew Everhard is the Senior Pastor of Faith Evangelical Presbyterian Church in Brooksville, FL.

The Top Twenty Most Read Verses in the Bible (And What it Says about Us as Bible Readers)

Have you ever wondered which verses of the Bible are the most frequently read?

We could all probably have made some guesses. I'm sure most people would correctly guess that John 3:16 is at the top of the list, for instance. But now that many believers are using their phones, tablets, and computers as their Bibles, for the first time in history we can be scientifically sure what verses rank highest when it comes to frequency of readership.

A couple of years ago, Biblegateway.com, the super-popular Scripture website released their own list of the top 100 most read Bible verses. See the full top 100 here. (I myself use this site all the time, not so much to read from as a devotional discipline, but as a convenient way to cut and paste Scripture into articles, power point presentations etc).

The below list of the top 20 is taken from their data. 

Any shockers here? Not really. It is actually a pretty excellent "starter supply" of verses worthy of memorization by all Christians. Many of the most read verses display God's great and sustaining grace in our lives (Rom 8:28, Eph 2:8, Phil 4:13 etc.). All of these passages are worthy of our trust, and are inspiring to our faith.

If there is any surprise, for me at least, it is that sin doesn't come in on the list until the 19th and 20th most read verses (although the reality is implied indirectly in some other verses such as #'s 1, 11, and 18). Also surprisingly absent from the top 20 are the words "cross," (earliest appearance at #35) "death," (#56) "blood," (absent from the top 100 entirely) and "resurrection" (#54).

I am not suggesting that this list should be interpreted in a negative light. Certainly one verse is not more "inspired" than the next. But if anything, we might say that we as readers tend to dwell more on the results of our justification (our new status and identity in Christ) than the means of our justification (the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus).

What do you think?

1. John 3:16: For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
2. Jer 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
3. Rom 8:28: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
4. Phil 4:13: I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
5. Gen 1:1: In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
6. Prov 3:5: Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
7. Prov 3:6: in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
8. Rom 12:2: Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
9. Phil 4:6: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
10. Matt 28:19: Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.
11. Eph 2:8: For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—
12. Gal 5:22: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
13. Rom 12:1: Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship.
14. John 10:10: The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
15. Acts 18:10: For I am with you, and no one is going to attack and harm you, because I have many people in this city.”
16. Acts 18:9: One night the Lord spoke to Paul in a vision: “Do not be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent.
17. Acts 18:11: So Paul stayed for a year and a half, teaching them the word of God.
18. Gal 2:20: I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
19. 1 John 1:9: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
20. Rom 3:23: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God

Matthew Everhard is the Senior Pastor of Faith Evangelical Presbyterian Church in Brooksville, Florida.